A Different Light Read online

  He couldn’t see anyone from where he was standing. He hoped, while he watered the dead leaves, that no one could see him. He suddenly felt tired, so he leaned against the nearest tree, relaxing. It had only felt like minutes, but with how fuzzy his head was, Bennett couldn’t be sure.

  Zipping up, he walked slowly back to the party since he was a bit wobbly on his feet and the dark didn’t help. Once he reached where he could see the fires, Bennett set out to find Derek and the guys since they had been his ride. He was about done with the drinking and the party. Exhaustion was taking over.

  Plus, Bennett was sure it was late, later than his parents typically let him stay out. But, as he walked around searching all the faces, he didn’t see anyone he knew. Most of those he’d seen had been kids he passed in the hall but didn’t really know, and the rest he didn’t know at all.

  Where did they go?

  Deciding that walking around wasn’t getting him anywhere, he pulled out his phone to call Derek. Unlocking his phone, he found he had no bars. Fuck! Trying to get his muddled brain to work so he could figure out what to do, he found a log to sit on. The longer he sat there trying to get his cell to work, the more the fact that his friends had left him started to sink in, and the panic started to rise. He had to find a way out of this.

  What had felt like minutes must’ve been longer, because when he finally looked up to search out even just a familiar face to ask for a ride home, the woods were nearly empty. Most of the other kids looked as wrecked as he felt. Which wasn’t a good sign.

  Bennett decided that sitting there wasn’t getting him anywhere, so he might as well at least start to walk. Maybe walking would help clear the fog that had settled with the alcohol. And maybe he’d find the rare car on the back road to give him a ride home.

  The bonfires had died down, the light they’d been giving off was dimmed, and with the alcohol working its way through his system, it wasn’t easy trying to find his way out of the woods. The trees felt like a puzzle that he didn’t have the tools to solve. With the bonfires far away, the air that had just felt cool started to feel downright cold.

  Finally making his way through the dense trees to the other side where the other bonfire was, he nearly ran into a small crowd of people. Or maybe they were crowding him. He had trouble thinking. The walking wasn’t helping shake loose the alcohol at all. The cold that he felt on his arms was snaking its way to his core. Not making concentrating any easier.

  Before he knew it, he was somehow in the center of that group of people. Some girls, but mostly guys. He recognized a few of them, and they weren’t kids he ever associated with. Most of them were just assholes, but a few were known bullies.

  Like his night needed to get worse.

  And then, it did, because suddenly they were calling him names.

  “Fag.”

  “Queer boy.”

  “Loser.”

  “Homo.”

  “Pervert.”

  Bennett tried to make his way out of the crowd, but they closed ranks around him. All he could think of was getting out of the crowd, making it to somewhere safe. Because, at that moment, he felt the furthest from safe as he ever had in his small town.

  The first push came from behind him, making him stumble and then fall into a huge guy in front of him. It was like the push was a signal for the others to join in, like a gun going off to start the race. They pushed him from every angle. He had no defense. The alcohol was making it hard to think, the fear and panic reducing his ability even further.

  Every time he tried to counter what they did, he failed. Every time he fell, they picked him back up. Every time he stumbled, they caught him just to push him back into the center of the crowd.

  At first, everything hurt. The scrapes he knew he was getting on his hands and arms from falling on dead twigs and branches screamed through his body. When they pushed him down and he landed on what felt like a boulder under his hip, he cried out.

  At some point, he could no longer stand. Between the pain, the fear, and the alcohol, he was done. That didn’t stop them. It just made him more vulnerable to their attacks.

  Out of nowhere, someone punched him in the head, slamming it into the ground. His scream let out, loud and shrill, and there was no holding it back. All he could do was reach up with drunken, clumsy hands to grab his head. He could feel himself crying, tears streaming down his face as they taunted him and laughed. Bennett curled into the fetal position, trying to stem the pain and protect himself.

  From that moment forward, the kicks and punches rained down on him. No place was safe. His whole body was screaming in pain, and all he could think before he blacked out was, ‘make it stop’.

  When he came to, he tried to open his eyes, but they barely moved. The sliver he got them open only gave him a view of the darkness surrounding him. The pain was gone, and all he could feel was the bone-deep cold. That more than anything told him that he must’ve been out a while, and no one had saved him. His chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it and breathing had become something he had to force.

  Bennett knew he should try to move, but he was cold, and he couldn’t feel his body. But if he didn’t try, he knew he’d die where he was. As he tried to lift his head, pain shot down his spine, and a moment later, he passed out again.

  The next time he woke up, he felt like he was far away. Like he wasn’t a part of his body, but he could hear voices calling his name. He couldn’t seem to get his eyes to cooperate and open. Everything he tried to move, wouldn’t. He laid there thinking that if he didn’t get his voice loud enough, they wouldn’t know where he was.

  And the other part of him thought, if he wasn’t found, at least the pain and cold would go away.

  But then, he felt someone holding his hand. It was the only warmth he felt, and he held onto it like a lifeline. He put all his focus onto that warmth, that feeling of safety, and tried his best not to let go.

  Bennett could hear beeping. Like his alarm clock was going off, but that couldn’t be it. It was the weekend; he was off school. But then the beeping got louder and steadier. Like it had a rhythm. Beep…beep…beep.

  Then he remembered the woods.

  When he tried to open his eyes, it worked better than the last time. Wherever he was, it was still dark though. He turned his head and saw what was beeping. He was in the hospital. Someone had found him. Then he was out again.

  It went on like that for what seemed like forever. He’d finally float to consciousness then he’d be out seconds later. Finally, god knows how much later, he got his eyes open and saw his dad asleep in a chair to the right of his bed with his mom in a chair right next to him. “Mom? Dad?” Bennett croaked out.

  Mac didn’t like seeing Bennett so broken in the hospital, but something in him made him finally come. He wouldn’t go in and talk to him. He knew Bennett wouldn’t want to see him. They weren’t friends. But Mac cared. Probably too much, especially for someone who pissed him off so much.

  “Mac, dear. Thank you for coming.” Bennett’s mom walked over to him, hugging him tight.

  “Sure thing, Mrs. C. I just wanted to see how he was doing.”

  “Why don’t you go in and see him. I warn you, he’s not in a very good mood.”

  “Yeah, I don’t doubt it after being in here for all this time. And, if it’s all the same to you, I don’t really want to go in there. You know we don’t get along much.”

  Mrs. Cole sighed because she knew the rift between them was partly due to Bennett and partly due to how Mac’s parents treated him. “I completely understand. I guess I was hoping you could convince him to go back to school.”

  “What do you mean go back to school? Why wouldn’t he go back?”

  “He has it in his mind that people will laugh at him all because those boys he called friends had him fooled. Not one of them has come or called. I just don’t know how to change his mind, and I’ve been trying for two weeks. He’s just so afraid.”

  “I can see why he
would feel that way. I heard the news this morning. They arrested the guys that attacked him.”

  “Yes. The district attorney assures us that, with their pattern of behavior and Bennett’s written testimony, a conviction is guaranteed, but it’ll probably end up being a plea bargain.” Mrs. Cole shook her head, disgust clear on her face. “I don’t know how the parents of those boys feel knowing their children nearly killed mine, but all I can hope is that they don’t get off easy.”

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. C. I know this isn’t easy on you or Mr. C, or most especially Bennett. He is going to be alright?”

  “He has a bit of recovery to go through with having to gone through a difficult surgery to save his life and having so many broken bones, but they expect the best. My son is strong.”

  “Yes, ma’am, he is. Is there anything I can do? Just ask.”

  “You’ve done so much already. But you should hear this from us, before you hear the rumor mill around town.” She paused looking him right in the eyes, “We’re going to be moving. With him not willing to go back to school here, what else can we do? We’re putting the house up for rent and finding another place to live for Bennett to finish out his senior year. He’s already suffered enough. I just can’t force him to suffer more.”

  “He’s…you’re leaving?” Mac replied, shocked.

  “Yes, Mac. I know it comes as a shock, but you haven’t seen the fear in his eyes when he even thinks of leaving this hospital. We’ll get him the help he needs and find a place he can feel safer. Then, when the time is right, we’ll come back.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. I liked having you as neighbors. And you know…” Mac thought about what to say next. It was funny how sad he was that Bennett would be leaving. It’s not like anything would’ve ever come of this crush he had on him, but this seemed so permanent. “It won’t be the same without you guys next door.”

  Mrs. C hugged him again. She was always a hugger. “Thanks, Mac. You’re such a sweet boy.”

  He walked out of the hospital never having had the intention of seeing Bennett, but wishing now that he’d had the balls to walk into his room, just so he could see him one last time.

  Bennett made his way out of the gate in a mass of people all trying to do the same thing. He hated airports. He was actually surprised there were so many people on the red eye.

  As he approached baggage claim, two things happened. The conveyor belt started up, which was a miracle since he usually had to stand around waiting for it, and his phone rang. He wasn’t one of those people that set ringtones for people. Bennett found it silly and a waste of time when you could just look at the caller ID.

  “Mom, it’s two a.m. Why are you calling me?”

  “Morning, Bennett. I was worried, so I waited up.”

  “How did you know I landed already?”

  “Oh. You remember, you shared your location thingy with me on your phone. I just checked that, and it said you were in Albany.” His mom sounded a bit too triumphant for accomplishing something so simple.

  “Okay, but remember you’re only supposed to use it in case of emergency. We talked about this.”

  “Oh, yes, dear, but I needed to speak to you as soon as you landed. Did you hire a car service to pick you up?”

  “Yes, Mom. I hired a car service to bring me from the airport to the house. It's probably waiting for me right now.”

  “Alright. You know I worry. I can't help it. “

  “Yeah, I know mom that's why I was going to call you when I got in the car. I'll call you in the morning, after I wake up.”

  “You have the keys we mailed you?”

  Bennett sighed loud enough that he was sure she had heard him on the other end of the line. She hadn’t always been like that. Funny how an assault on a loved one can change even the one that wasn’t assaulted. “Mom.”

  “Okay, okay. Just don't forget the contractor is coming today to start work on the house.”

  “Yup, I remember. Talk later, Mom. Tell dad I said ‘hi’.” Bennett hung up, not giving his mom the chance to find some other reason to keep him on the line. Just as he thought, the car he hired was waiting at the curb when he finally got outside.

  “I can take your bag, Mr. Cole.”

  Bennett settled in his seat and prepared for the thirty-minute drive to the house. It was Monday, and after two in the morning there should be no traffic.

  It had been ten years since he was here last. He knew his parents visited occasionally, checked the house, saw family and friends that were still around. But he had no desire in the years since he left. He didn’t even want to be back now, but his parents needed his help, and it wasn’t like his new job in Boston was starting any time soon. He’d have to wait three months for that. Plus, he owed his parents for being so willing all those years earlier to pack up and move for him. He knew it hadn’t been easy, but they loved him and understood the utter fear and self-loathing he’d had at the time.

  He was better than that now. Bennett was stronger than ever and stopped naively believing the best of people after that, but he didn’t hate people or himself anymore. He had friends from college. His best friend Jaden was surprised he had even agreed to come back, no matter how he felt toward his parents. Jaden knew everything. Bennett trusted him like he trusted his parents, but that had taken years, and poor Jaden had to suffer through every time Bennett had pushed him away.

  Even in the dark of the early morning, seeing the old town that he grew up in caused an ache to start in his chest. Lifting his hand, he absently rubbed it while looking around. It felt like home still. That shocked him. How could something feel like home when it hadn’t been home in years?

  White Acre hadn’t changed. Driving through the small town, street lights illuminated the buildings and houses that lined the main road. Bennett could see the old town market was still there with a fresh coat of paint on the outside. The firehouse was just as small as ever, and of course, the gas station still doubled as a diner. The whole town only had three traffic lights. Two of them on the main road that ran through town and one on route sixty-nine—as kids, there had been too many jokes about that one—by the middle school.

  He never remembered it feeling so small when he had lived here though. It’d always been just so normal for everyone to know everyone, for the only diner in town to hire the high school kids looking for some extra money, same as the ice cream place next to the old elementary school.

  Bennett wondered if the same kids—now adults—were still living in town. How many left for college just because small town living wasn’t for them? Would he run into those that had nearly killed him? Or maybe the guys he had once called friends. His parents likely knew what was up in the town.

  He and his parents had rarely talked about that night or the guys afterward. They had tried while he was in the hospital, but Bennett had been so filled with anger and shame that nothing they said could get through. Looking out the window at the town he’d once known everything about, he couldn’t help but think that maybe he should finally ask his parents about Derek, Keith, and the other guys he’d once called friends. Or maybe he should start with just opening up to them a bit more about that night.

  As the car was heading out of the center of town, Bennett saw that his once favored Chinese restaurant was still open. Well, less restaurant and more hole in the wall with rickety tables no one sat at.

  It took about fifteen minutes from there for the car to pull into his parent’s driveway. They hadn’t lived there in ten years, but it was still their house…for now. Bennett knew he had a lot of work cut out for him over the next three months.

  Looking at the outside of the house he grew up in, not much had changed. He always thought their house was nice, a bit boring, but not ugly. It was beige and this odd combo of green and gray that he could never figure out. It was the same traditional style house as most of the houses in the area, except newer ones like the Campbell’s house next door.

  Although their house was
considered older now, at the time it was one of the newest houses on the road. It was navy blue and a mix between a Cape Cod bungalow and a farmhouse that had this huge wraparound porch. Bennett’s mom had loved that porch, but their own house couldn’t have one, so she would on occasion make excuses to go over to talk to Mrs. Campbell. They would sit on the porch swing talking forever. God knew what about.

  Mrs. Campbell had always seemed nice enough. She used to gush all over him and his grades which Bennett had always found strange. He had people, family and his parent’s friends, that would say, “Good job!” to him of course, but Mrs. Campbell went further than even his own mom had. He used to try to avoid her as best he could since she made him feel uncomfortable. His mom had said she was harmless.

  He had a list of all the repairs that had to be done. His mom had split it into two parts, his and the contractors. Bennett wasn’t the handiest of people when it came to fixing houses. Give him physics any day of the week but fixing houses and painting walls? No way. However, his parents had asked, and he would do it for them.

  He walked up the driveway, bags in hand, looking over the front yard and the house. It looked like it had been kept up pretty well. Although it could use some paint on the outside.

  Looking at his watch, he realized it was nearly three which didn’t bode well for his sleep. Pulling the key his mom had mailed him out of his pocket, he dropped his one bag, unlocking and pushing open the front door. Grabbing his bag, he walked into the house he once called home. Although it no longer had the same furniture or smelled the same, it still made him wonder what was to come of him coming back to this small town after all this time.

  Bennett dropped his bags in the foyer, looked around, and let out a sigh.

  "Can't believe I’m back in the same place I swore I’d never come back to.”